As a person who is single at 37 and wanting a partner, dating is tricky business. When the chemistry is high, my fantasy of finding "the one" can get a little out of control. I can start focusing on all the wonderful things about this person in a state of utter euphoria and desire without taking into account the bigger picture. By the end of our date, sometimes I can already see our lives together inside my beautiful ideal fantasy.
Over time, I've realized that my fantasy creates a lot of pain (mostly for myself) and that I truly do want to stay in reality and truth. Here are some tips I've found useful in staying grounded in reality when feelings run high and desire is off the charts!
1) Stop. Breath. Love yourself. Remember how much love you have from your friends and family. Remember you are fully loved and cared for even if "the one" is not here right now. Do something that is totally selfish and loving for you and helps you to feel powerful and secure in your body and mind...I suggest exercising, getting a mani/pedi, reading an inspiring book, or taking a class.
2) Make a list of the qualities and values you want in a partner. This will be something you can use for reference when you are caught up in your fantasy of having potentially found "the one". When you meet someone review your list and then ask them questions to see if they hold your same values and desires.
3) Speak the fantasy. This can be very vulnerable and very freeing. The more you do this, the more you'll find that everyone is having the same fantasy. I like to make light of my thoughts, create a joke with my date and blow the fantasy out of proportion to show how ridiculous thinking this way is at this stage in the game.
4) Remember, you've just met each other. My rule is, I don't really "know" someone until I've had a disagreement with them. When discord happens, that's when you see what the person (and you) are really made of. Disagreements can actually create more intimacy inside a relationship because you've overcome a hurdle and gotten through the other side. I highly recommend reading "Passionate Marriage" by Dr. David Schnarch, for anyone who wants a different perspective on what intimacy is really all about.
Good luck with finding "the one" or being with "the one right now", with wish you lots of love and cuddling in this winter season.
Misha is a life, relationship, & business coach focusing on connecting her clients to what brings them more alive and passionate so they too can feel The Thrill of Creation. Visit www.thrillofcreation.com
Over time, I've realized that my fantasy creates a lot of pain (mostly for myself) and that I truly do want to stay in reality and truth. Here are some tips I've found useful in staying grounded in reality when feelings run high and desire is off the charts!
1) Stop. Breath. Love yourself. Remember how much love you have from your friends and family. Remember you are fully loved and cared for even if "the one" is not here right now. Do something that is totally selfish and loving for you and helps you to feel powerful and secure in your body and mind...I suggest exercising, getting a mani/pedi, reading an inspiring book, or taking a class.
2) Make a list of the qualities and values you want in a partner. This will be something you can use for reference when you are caught up in your fantasy of having potentially found "the one". When you meet someone review your list and then ask them questions to see if they hold your same values and desires.
3) Speak the fantasy. This can be very vulnerable and very freeing. The more you do this, the more you'll find that everyone is having the same fantasy. I like to make light of my thoughts, create a joke with my date and blow the fantasy out of proportion to show how ridiculous thinking this way is at this stage in the game.
4) Remember, you've just met each other. My rule is, I don't really "know" someone until I've had a disagreement with them. When discord happens, that's when you see what the person (and you) are really made of. Disagreements can actually create more intimacy inside a relationship because you've overcome a hurdle and gotten through the other side. I highly recommend reading "Passionate Marriage" by Dr. David Schnarch, for anyone who wants a different perspective on what intimacy is really all about.
Good luck with finding "the one" or being with "the one right now", with wish you lots of love and cuddling in this winter season.
Misha is a life, relationship, & business coach focusing on connecting her clients to what brings them more alive and passionate so they too can feel The Thrill of Creation. Visit www.thrillofcreation.com
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